I know. This is just getting so repetitive. I am sorry, but this is what the Lord just keeps telling me. Over and over. I think I'm starting to get it. I would like to share something different with you, but this is what I have from the Lord.
This weekend I was getting very discouraged with Carlos' anger and other issues. My heart aches because I so desperately want the closeness we shared when he was in elementary school. It feels like he may never want me to be a part of his life again, and that scares me and grieves me deeply. So I was trying to talk myself through this, and I believe the Lord shared some things with me.
I went to church on Sunday morning, and they paused worship briefly because a man got a word from God for the congregation. I almost got chills. He emphasized that too many of us exist instead of thrive because we are waiting for some specific breakthrough (or a series of breakthroughs) in order for us to truly be happy. He told us that God wants us to enjoy the season we're in. Period. Not live life waiting for something better in the future. My pastor piggybacked on this theme in his message. I knew that God was speaking to me, and gently rebuking me.
This week, as I have been pondering the phrase, "Enjoy your season," I have really felt the Lord encouraging me to rest in Him and that all I need is Him. He will carry me through this. He has a divine purpose for this trial--I cannot begin to see the purpose right now, but I know Him and I know that everything that happens in our life has some divine purpose. He leaves nothing to chance. He loves me, and would not allow me to experience emotional turmoil without some purpose that will bring glory to Him.
I need to get to the point where I can trust God completely for whatever the future holds for me, and that includes whatever relationship (or lack thereof) that Carlos and I will have in the future. He has had to remind me that things could be MUCH worse with Carlos, BUT THEY ARE NOT WORSE BECAUSE GOD has laid the boundaries for Satan (in the same way He did with Job). He reminded me of the protections He has put in place to keep Carlos from falling farther down a dark path. He also reminded me of two boys (who are now in their mid-twenties) who had extremely volatile relationships with one of their parents during their teenage years and were extremely destructive and angry all of the time. These relationships have been restored now. God made beauty from ashes. (Isaiah 61:3). It is no guarantee that God will do the same for Carlos and me, but that's the whole point. It doesn't matter what the future holds, because God holds the future, and that's enough. I can trust my good Daddy to take care of me and love me, no matter what.
This truth is finally starting to travel from my head to my heart.
Quick bathroom update: I have fixed two of the three problems (slow drain and leak). Today, I will fix the last issue, which should be simple: reattaching the drain thing (the thing that opens or closes the drain). It feels good to gain some confidence in home maintenance. Yesterday I put up kitchen curtains that I had made. I had to hang the rod first, which is always a major challenge. BUT I did it with almost no complications! I was so excited! I really am getting better!
I'm sorry the post is so short. I'm trying to do a lot of things around the house this week because next week I have to be back to work. (Nothing like procrastination!) ;)
This weekend I was getting very discouraged with Carlos' anger and other issues. My heart aches because I so desperately want the closeness we shared when he was in elementary school. It feels like he may never want me to be a part of his life again, and that scares me and grieves me deeply. So I was trying to talk myself through this, and I believe the Lord shared some things with me.
I went to church on Sunday morning, and they paused worship briefly because a man got a word from God for the congregation. I almost got chills. He emphasized that too many of us exist instead of thrive because we are waiting for some specific breakthrough (or a series of breakthroughs) in order for us to truly be happy. He told us that God wants us to enjoy the season we're in. Period. Not live life waiting for something better in the future. My pastor piggybacked on this theme in his message. I knew that God was speaking to me, and gently rebuking me.
This week, as I have been pondering the phrase, "Enjoy your season," I have really felt the Lord encouraging me to rest in Him and that all I need is Him. He will carry me through this. He has a divine purpose for this trial--I cannot begin to see the purpose right now, but I know Him and I know that everything that happens in our life has some divine purpose. He leaves nothing to chance. He loves me, and would not allow me to experience emotional turmoil without some purpose that will bring glory to Him.
I need to get to the point where I can trust God completely for whatever the future holds for me, and that includes whatever relationship (or lack thereof) that Carlos and I will have in the future. He has had to remind me that things could be MUCH worse with Carlos, BUT THEY ARE NOT WORSE BECAUSE GOD has laid the boundaries for Satan (in the same way He did with Job). He reminded me of the protections He has put in place to keep Carlos from falling farther down a dark path. He also reminded me of two boys (who are now in their mid-twenties) who had extremely volatile relationships with one of their parents during their teenage years and were extremely destructive and angry all of the time. These relationships have been restored now. God made beauty from ashes. (Isaiah 61:3). It is no guarantee that God will do the same for Carlos and me, but that's the whole point. It doesn't matter what the future holds, because God holds the future, and that's enough. I can trust my good Daddy to take care of me and love me, no matter what.
This truth is finally starting to travel from my head to my heart.
Quick bathroom update: I have fixed two of the three problems (slow drain and leak). Today, I will fix the last issue, which should be simple: reattaching the drain thing (the thing that opens or closes the drain). It feels good to gain some confidence in home maintenance. Yesterday I put up kitchen curtains that I had made. I had to hang the rod first, which is always a major challenge. BUT I did it with almost no complications! I was so excited! I really am getting better!
I'm sorry the post is so short. I'm trying to do a lot of things around the house this week because next week I have to be back to work. (Nothing like procrastination!) ;)
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