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The Chinks in My Spiritual Defenses

By Carmela
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In continuing my Nehemiah study, yesterday I felt God telling me to press "Pause" and spend some time reflecting on the first four chapters before I move on to chapter five.

I began to really reflect on the great disrepair of the walls of Jerusalem--that the disrepair of those walls made them very vulnerable to enemy attack and to outside influences.  Those walls were once very strong and made Jerusalem a safe place to dwell.  But the enemy had come in and completely destroyed those walls, in the same way that the Israelites had caused the walls of Jericho to crumble a few centuries (?) earlier.

 It seemed a natural jump to ask myself how I let my defenses down spiritually and give Satan a stronghold in certain areas of my life.  I came up with three ways:

  • I take my eyes off of God.
    • I become very "me-focused" and feel entitled to live a happy existence. I fight God on this, striving to convince Him that He needs to create the breakthrough that I need in order to live a happy life.
    • I become consumed by my desire for what I want.  God's sovereignty ceases to matter.\
    • I forget His personal promises to me that He has made over the years.
  • I reflect on similar situations that other people have faced in which the outcome was not favorable.
    • I focus on the fact that God did not do a miracle for them, so He may not do one for me.  I have to fight the depression that ensues.
    • I forget that their situation does not dictate the outcome of MY situation.
  • God has been showing me that because I do not value myself very much, there is a part of me that feels like I don't DESERVE His blessings.
    • I genuinely feel like I may never get the breakthroughs I desire so strongly because my dreams seem so lofty--I vacillate between feeling like I deserve them and believing that someone like me can never have them.  Other people can have the same blessings that I dream of, but I cannot.
I then began to ask myself how to repair these "chinks" in my walls.  There was only one way that I could see:
  • Keep my eyes focused SOLELY on HIM.
    • Remember all the miracles He has done for me over the past several years.
    • Remember His personal promises to me (especially Scriptures)
    • Remember that He is a good Daddy, and He genuinely loves me and wants to bless me (Eph. 3:20, Romans 8:32)
    • Spend regular time in His Word and in prayer, sitting at His feet and allowing Him to speak His truth into my life.
    • Remember that I walk by faith, not by sight (II Cor. 5:7).
I am no so naive to think that all of my problems will be magically solved and will have the outcome that I desire.  I DEFINITELY believe that everything works together for good (Rom. 8:28), that He has a divine purpose for everything we go through, and that He will use what Satan meant for evil and turn it into a blessing somehow.

It is so much easier to focus on Him in the summer time when I don't have to work.  I am going to start praying now that He will equip me to continue in this positive mindset during the school year, too.

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